Best of Me

My brother often asks me what super power I would have if I could, usually so he can say his and trump mine. But in the fantasies that run through my head at night, when I'm chosen to be the hero and help save people with my friends, when the choice comes for what power I want, mine never matched the ones I gave my brother as a response. Never time manipulation, or the ability to make my own world at a whim and go there whenever; even the ability to have total matter and energy manipulation are forsaken. In the depths of insomnia and imagination, I always choose that I would be able to see exactly the very best I could do in any situation. What Kay's 100% looked like. Anytime. If I did my very best, could I make this jump? Save my friends? Come to terms with the worst of me? And I know the answer.

I am an observer. I have strong opinions of both sides. Both sides always have a point, a strong, logical, valid point. I see both of the sides. They crash into each other loudly, both glaring into the others eye and refusing to see their own reflection in it. Both shout just as loud, both hit just as hard, both hurt just as much. One says 'heads', the other 'tails'. All I can see is different sides of the same coin. All I can see is similarities in the strife of difference.

I don't get into relationships. Not serious ones. I am a friend. I end there. Often, I argue with myself. Blood pumping muscle: "Don't hold back! Have some fun, and just trust him! You really like this one Kay!" Frontal Lobe: "Kay, you will get used. You become more vulnerable, less of yourself, and honestly, even though you have come to terms with yourself, you will lose your ability to make rational decisions on what is most important to you. Learn from the past, yours and others. You know this is not a good idea." So I am split once again in that painful duel of heart versus head. Both sides are most certainly things that are very important to me. Both things are ripping me to shreds. I lose sight of Best. What matters the most, or what did matter becomes a little skewed. Brain wins, and stands correct. Heart hurts, but recovers. Heart wins, hurts, recovery is much longer. Brain still stands correct.

As time goes on, Brain wins more and more, Heart hurts more and more. Best laughs far too hard as it watches me try and figure out where it is. What it is. What am I supposed to do?

-Kay Rhyme

A long awaited update of possibly good news.

I will resume posting. It will be a posting of various things, words, pictures, and maybe that one thing that you really needed to read. This was mostly inspired by Robots own sketch journal, even though he seems to have stopped for good. So here's to change, and a hope that I get somewhere.