Dear Justin, my darling boy.

This morning, you shot yourself. I will miss you forever. My heart has broken before, but not like this. I talked to you only a few hours before it happened, and you were doing well. It seems that your mental condition did not feel that you should stay so well. It decided that you needed to have another episode at four in the morning, when there was no one awake to stop you. How I wish you would of called. How I wish I would have been there. How I wish you were still here. How I wish that i could see you smirk one more time. Hear you laugh too loud. Or just talk too loud, you were always loud, excpet when I needed some quiet. I have never met a man who so thoroughly understood me. I ccould not touch people before I met you. I could not trust before I met you. I was so little, before I met you. And here I am now, a little more than two years later. Two years was not enough. A life time, would have barely been enough. Oh my dear. My precious darling. My cutie bum, when we were alone, and you were being cute. I saw you at the mortuary today, you had a towel over your head because you had shot a hole through it. I put my hand on your arm, it was your arm. You are dead. How cold it was, how pale.....you are dead. But I"m still here. I'm still thinking about moving in with you next summer. Thinking about going on a trip with you this next Christmas. Still debating about dragging you along to paris. Still looking forward to you finishin the play. eagarly waiting to feel your hand in mine, for me to run my fingers across your head..... all of it. I need all of you here. I'm going through such a hard time, you saved me from myself before.... and now I"m all alone. Justin James, I miss you so much. I have never loved more, or been more happy.
In philosophy, we went over a theory that states a part of you is in those people around you. The happy part of me is gone. The part of me, that felt free, without inhbitions is gone. You are gone. And i hurt so much. please come back my dear. I need you so much.
You are the best man I ever knew, and I loved you for it.
If you can ever come back, I would be happy. I would hold you as tight as I could, and bawl, because I was happy.